First, a trivia fact:

As someone whose entire knowledge of New Zealand comes from Flight of the Conchords, I was charmed to find out that there genuinely is a toothbrush fence tourist attraction there. There's also a shoe fence, and there was once a bra fence too, but the forces of oppression had it taken down. What a shame.

And now, Torchwood. ( Some thoughts on Children of Earth: Day One.... )

You will be pleased to know that after yesterday's unplanned experiment, tonight's post is coming to you clean and sober. So first, the trivia:

Fact: Until the mid-19th century, if you bought anchovies, they would be bright red in colour. That's because they used to be dyed with lead oxide, which is in fact toxic. Initially, shopkeepers were extremely sceptical about getting rid of the lead, because they were sure that nobody would want to buy anchovies that looked brown and horrid.

And next, our final dose of afternoon 'Wood for the week. Here are ( a few thoughts on The Dead Line... )

And now we must wait for Monday, and whatever the next week may televisually bring. Which reminds me: I must stock up on gin...

Hello, and welcome to Torchwood Slightly-Drunkblogging. This new experimental approach is brought to you by three key facts: the fact that I went out drinking this evening (hic!), the fact that I have to drink a pint of water before bedtime to sober up, and the fact that I might as well listen to Torchwood while doing so. So here we go, and I apologize in advance for any typos, rants, distractions or failures to be funny that might result.

Oh yes, I'm supposed to post a trivia fact first, aren't I? Oops.

Fact: Angler fish, those scary-looking critters that have big gaping mouths and fishing rods on their heads to lure in unsuspecting fishes for dinner, have a very unusual sex life. Big angler fish as we know them are always female: the male version is a tiny little thing that swims about till he finds a girl fish, and bites into her. Their biological systems then fuse, and the male rots away until he's just a pair of testicles hanging off the female. She happily swims about, able to lay fertilized eggs whenever she likes, and never needs to have sex again.

(Note to self: find some trivia facts that are NOT about genitalia, hem hem.)

Okay, enough about fish sex. Time to turn on ( Torchwood: The Golden Age )

Ah, I seem to have come to the end, and to have achieved an acceptable level of pre-bedtime sobriety. In that case, I shall bid you all goodnight.

Night night!

As we enter the for-your-ears-only prelude to the BBC's Torchweek, my intention is to begin every Torchwooden post with a random-but-fascinating* piece of non-Torchwood trivia. So let's kick off with a historical curiosity, in the form of a genuine 14th-century hangover cure:

If any one have drunk too much, if it be a man the testicles should be washed with salt and vinegar, and if it be a woman, the breasts, also let them eat the leaf or the stalk or the juice of a cabbage with sugar.
(John of Gaddesden's Rosa Medicinae, circa 1314)

And now, while some of you rush off in search of salt and vinegar, let's have a look at Torchwood on the Radio. ( Here are some brief thoughts on Asylum... )

* For a value of "fascinating" that is roughly equivalent to "more interesting than Torchwood to people who aren't interested in Torchwood".

Did you have a go at the silly bird names quiz yesterday?

( The answers are under this cut... )

In other news, you may have heard that there's Torchwood on the radio for the next three days, and then there's Torchwood on the telly all next week. Since the BBC have made the effort to bludgeon the nation's consciousness in this way, I think it's fairly likely that I will be moved to do some posting about it. Therefore, if Torchwood doesn't float your boat (or indeed open your Rift or recharge your Compact Laser Deluxe), I can only apologize in advance for the inconvenience of having to scroll past my spoiler cuts.

Rest assured that I'll try to stick in a few bits of general-interest trivia above the cuts, to smooth the way and save you all from the sort of dazed brain-death that surely awaits me after a week of such media madness...

It's quiz time, viewers, and this week your specialist subject is Birds With Naughty Names. This is because I recently chanced across some wonderful ornithological nomenclature in various books and am now keen to promote it to anyone who will listen. After all, why be content with a Common Shag when you could have a Fulvous-Chinned Nunlet or a Plumbeous Euphonia? Well, exactly.

Poll #1423011 Factual fowl or feathered fake? You decide!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Fifteen bird species are listed below. Ten are genuine real-life birds, but the rest are totally made up. Tick the FIVE that you think are FAKE. (It's more fun if you don't Google them first.)

I'll come back tomorrow and reveal the correct answers...

As an avid fan of the wilder corners of the animal kingdom, I was charmed to hear of the earthshaking discovery that crop circles are made by stoned wallabies. Presumably this explanation holds true only in Australia, though. British crop circles are probably caused by squirrels on scrumpy, and in the US, I don't know... bison on mescaline, perhaps?

Whatever the niggling scientific detail, the whole concept hopped into my imagination, rattled around in there for five minutes, and this thing popped out:

( Coming soon to a poppy field picture house near you... Wallabyspotting! )

I'm now wondering whether a similar principle could be applied to explain other strange phenomena. Is the Bermuda Triangle all down to jellyfish on crystal meth? Is the Abominable Snowman really a yak in an opium haze? Is 99 percent of bad fanfiction written by crack-smoking weasels? Just find the right combination of wildlife and mind-altering substance, and let's see how many global mysteries we can resolve...

As a colossus of modern popular culture (hem hem), I find that showrunners of the world often look to me for ideas on how to keep their TV products fresh and relevant for the demanding audiences of today.

For my latest showbiz-shaking concept, I've come up with a way to boost excitement about the forthcoming fourth season of Heroes by tapping into an unreached market: the under-fives! Yes, I am aware that some of the show's more bloodthirsty content may be a teensy bit unsuitable for toddlers, but hey, we can debate that after the increased ratings figures are in.

So what IS this concept, you ask? It's a range of new and Heroic interpretations of classic children's books, that's what. And here's Volume 1:

( The Very Hungry Serial Killer... )

Other titles will include The Sylar Who Came To Tea, Hiro Hears A Who, Guess How Much I Had You Genetically Modified At Birth, and a new edition of an all-time bestseller, Claire Has Two Mommies And Two Daddies And A Variable Number Of Uncles, Depending On Recent Plot Revelations.

Apologies for the recent quietness on the LJ front, but my brain has recently been beaten into a state of quivering uselessness with a big stick marked "WORK", and I therefore feel ill-equipped to carry out my usual pastoral duties as a source of wisdom, entertainment and cutting-edge philosophical thought (hem hem).

So, given that I'm having great trouble with even the tiniest of decisions about the most trivial of issues at the moment, perhaps you could help me make a few?

Poll #1416764 All-Purpose Pop Cultural Barometer of the Week
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

I predict that Torchwood: Children of Earth will be:

Who would win in a fight?

Would you?

Obligatory post-series Ashes to Ashes post, coming up. ( Spoilers ahead, please proceed with caution... )

In other news, I am completely in love with Flight of the Conchords. That is all.