Red Scharlach (redscharlach) wrote,
Red Scharlach
redscharlach

I do these things so you don't have to

Regular readers may recall my recent ramblings on the topic of advanced technology that you can pee on. Well, in the interests of exploring the outer reaches of human experience (hem hem), last night I paid a visit to Saki Restaurant and Bar in Spitalfields and used their futuristic and advanced, direct-from-Japan Paperless Toilet! (I also ate some nice vegetable tempura, but come on, you don't really want to hear about that, do you?)

So what was it like? Well, you go into the cubicle as normal and it looks like an ordinary loo, but with a panel of buttons on the right-hand side and some instructions on the wall. You have to sit down on the (heated!) seat or else it won't work. Then you answer nature's call in the usual fashion. Next, you can choose from the "Wash" or "Bidet" functions, both of which squirt water at your nether regions, but with varying degrees of vigour. (Plenty of entertainment value here, as long as you can resist the urge to squeal.) And finally, you press the "Drier" button, and warm air blows out to dry you... very slowly. (Hmmm, back to the drawing board perhaps, I feel.)

In fact, the bit I liked best was the list of reassuring instructions pinned to the wall, which included about three lines on what button to press, and the rest telling you in an encouraging fashion that yes, it sounds weird, but it's really not scary at all, so come on, give it a go, you won't regret it, go on, go on, go on, you will, you will, YOU WILL. It was all rather quaint.

I also noticed that in their washroom they had one of those high-powered Xcelerator hand-driers, the kind that a) do actually dry your hands, unlike most hand-driers, but b) make a noise and a downward draught like a Harrier jump-jet taking off, and practically take your limbs off in the process. I did wonder whether the same technology could replace the slightly inadequate techno-loo drier, but then realized that it would be a bad move to have customers regularly being rocketed through the ceiling...
Tags: london, toilet tourism
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