I'd like to blame this filk on Radio 2. They've been giving a certain song by Kate Rusby so much airplay lately that it became firmly stuck in my head, and the new lyrics started to form spontaneously. That's my official story, anyway. The alternative explanation is that I happen to get a disproportionate amount of pleasure from finding ornate multi-syllable rhymes. Hey, at least it keeps me off the streets...
The Torchwood Company Anthem to the tune of "The Village Green Preservation Society" (as sung by either The Kinks or Kate Rusby)
We are the Torchwood Three Earth-Protection Society We catch alien scum of every slimy variety We are a magnet for otherworldly exotica Time shifts, mystery tech and shameless homoerotica
We're saving the world but we don't like to brag For queen and for empire, we're flying the flag D'you fancy a shag?
We are the Cardiff Bay World-Defending Monopoly We serve the public good, but sometimes rather sloppily We are a haven for avant-garde sexuality Thank God, we draw the line just before bestiality
We are the Space-Time Rift Observation Facility Battling twisted plots and our own lack of ability We are supporters of pterodactyl autonomy Big guns, Weevil spray, and the South Wales economy We are an outlet for futuristic depravity If you've got a pulse then we'll provide a cavity
We fight for the future, a highly trained crew There's none we can't conquer, and none we can't screw So please form a queue
We are the Torchwood Three Space-Age Salvage Authority We think we're shit-hot, though we're in the minority We are the Captain Jack Rooftop-Posing Fraternity We'll yell, angst and flirt until the end of eternity We are the Torchwood Three Earth-Protection Society We catch alien scum with no regard for propriety