Poem That Is Not By Royal Appointment (Unfortunately)
For the first time a woman has been named Poet Laureate
A sterling achievement that I shall not excoriate
But I do have to mention the tiny omission
That they failed to ask ME to take up the position.
True, I may not be famous like Carol Ann Duffy
But I'm easy to manage and mostly quite fluffy
She occupies one of the high boughs of poetry
While I myself sit in what's surely a lower tree
But I can pen verse either witty or deep
And for credit-crunch times, I am pretty darn cheap
I would forgo the cash and ye olde Butt of Sack
For ten bottles of Shiraz and a pat on the back
In return, I'd write verse with rhyme, rhythm and stricture
And whenever words failed, I could scribble a picture!
For future royal weddings, I may even endeavour
To iconize "William *hearts* Kate" (or whoever)
And no matter the subject the Queen may be asking
I'd rise to it with my elite multitasking
I'm in with the old folks, yet down with the kids
I would praise myself more, but my coyness forbids
But the royal choice is made and it's quite unassailable
Ask again in ten years, Liz: I might be available...