Red Scharlach ([info]redscharlach) wrote,
@ 2009-07-19 23:04:00
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Entry tags:fan art, literature, star trek

And The Children Shall Lead, And The Squiggly Handwriting Shall Follow
If you've bought any reading matter lately, you may have noticed that many bookshops now house a specialist section devoted to true-life tales of people who had really appalling childhoods. The sign on the shelves is usually something like "Tragic Life Stories" or "Painful Lives", but I believe the genre is known in the trade as "misery lit" or "misery memoirs".

I haven't read any of these books, nor do I intend to, so I can't comment on their content. However, the aspect that grips me with a grim fascination is their graphic design, which could be summed up as Every Single One Looks Exactly The Same. Pale-coloured cover: check. Title in a squiggly handwritten-style font: check. Pastel image of a small child looking miserable (posed by models, naturally): check. Publishers apparently terrified that potential readers will somehow fail to notice one of these books if it deviates from the standard design template by even the tiniest amount: check, check, check.

Anyway, I began to ponder what would happen if fictional characters decided to cathartically expose their traumatic upbringings in the popular press, and how such things would be marketed, and the following items (containing mild SPOILERS for the latest Star Trek movie) popped out.





Suggestions for other fandom figures whose angst-ridden confessions you'd like read would be gratefully received. Heaven knows, the bookshops will need quite a few to fill up a "Fictional Real-Life Misery" shelf..

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[info]jeanne_dark
2009-07-19 10:30 pm UTC (link)
I would read both those books.

Also, I can't stop giggling at "A. G. Q. Vulcan".

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[info]caledonius72
2009-07-19 10:30 pm UTC (link)
Captial idea, and I completely agree. Makes me shudder when i see the tables loaded with them when i walk into Waterstones or Borders. Let me just say "Fahrenheit 451"

Suggestions
Guess! Go on guess! I dare ya!

Plus: -
Fanny Price (Mansfield Park)
Hercule Poirot - there has to be a reason for that bag of neuroses.

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[info]artekka
2009-07-20 02:59 am UTC (link)
except fanny price would prob never write one of these books b/c she'd be so grateful to the bertrams, and wouldn't want to be meant to mrs norris...

i'm on a mansfield park kick right now.

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[info]clancy_s
2009-07-19 10:42 pm UTC (link)
*actually laughed out loud*

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[info]toasty_fresh
2009-07-19 10:42 pm UTC (link)
A.G.Q. Vulcan

Brb dying

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[info]alkari
2009-07-19 10:44 pm UTC (link)
Excellent suggestions. How about:-

Han Solo - there has to be a reason he was wandering round the universe with only a Wookie for company

Inspector Morse - the man had some Serious Issues with his first name, but didn't even bother changing it when he reached adulthood

Lord Peter Wimsey - angst in a wealthy, noble family. His mother only came to love him when he left home.

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[info]gregoria44
2009-07-19 10:47 pm UTC (link)
Indeed, us booksellers do call them 'misery memoirs'... that is, when we are being polite.

"Make your own table headers," we were foolishly told. Much sniggering later, the result was so dull that I can't even remember what we went for, but still, the process was fun.

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[info]redscharlach
2009-07-20 12:48 pm UTC (link)
Yes, I can see lots of potential fun in thinking of headings, and lots of disappointment when all the best ideas are too potentially offensive for public consumption. I'd have been tempted to go with: "Maybe They Were Born To Pastel-Coloured Misery, Maybe It's Maybelline."

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[info]izzyfics
2009-07-19 10:49 pm UTC (link)
"This is meant to be funny, right?" -Captain T.J. Krik

*giggles* this is freaking hilarious.

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[info]tintop_lizzy
2009-07-19 10:59 pm UTC (link)
This is such a precarious minefield of bad taste it must be mined...

Dr Nine: My ears were laughed at
Matilda:Firestarting at the infant school level
Owen from TW: ...

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[info]mwmm23
2009-07-19 11:11 pm UTC (link)
LOL! The bookshelves of "Tragic Life Stories" and their unfailingly pattern attributes have long fascinated me. Those would fit right in. XD

I bet Sylar would be totally willing to write one of these.

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[info]l0stmyrel1g10n
2009-07-20 03:01 am UTC (link)
Yesplease.

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[info]redscharlach
2009-07-20 01:06 pm UTC (link)
I've already imagined Sylar's autobiography in a rather different style, but the true-life tragedy kind would work too. I shall give the matter some thought and see whether I can come up with any suitably punning titles...

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[info]livii
2009-07-19 11:13 pm UTC (link)
Love these!

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[info]noein9
2009-07-19 11:18 pm UTC (link)
*LAUGHS*

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[info]illariy
2009-07-19 11:30 pm UTC (link)
Looove the titles and layouts. *giggle*

Other possible candidates: Snape from HP. McKay from SGA (I bet he'd whine really well).

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[info]alkari
2009-07-20 01:34 am UTC (link)
Definitely Snape. The true story of a poor boy from the wrong part of town, who fell in love with a lovely girl, only to lose her to the filthy rich kid.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
a poor boy from the wrong part of town
[info]mustangsally78
2009-07-20 04:12 am UTC (link)
Or you can just sing 'Don't Stop Believin'"

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[info]marysiak
2009-07-20 10:02 am UTC (link)
Doesn't Harry Potter already fall into that class? They just need to change their cover design and title.

My Tortured Life on the Run from Evil Forces by Harry Potter

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[info]illariy
2009-07-20 10:10 am UTC (link)
That title definitely wins, especially for the fifth book where he was all Misunderstood, tragic Harry, waaaah.

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[info]comrade_cat
2009-07-20 12:38 am UTC (link)
LOL, especially @ the Spock memoir - the captured style carries over to the US. That Vulcan kid looks a lot like the dark-haired kid on A Boy Called It.

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[info]scifinut
2009-07-20 01:20 am UTC (link)
Ooh, Jack Harkness REALLY needs one of these. Seriously. He doesn't even have to have a child as a model on his cover, he's had enough shite in his adult life.

I'm sure there's more, but my brain isn't thinking of them right now.

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[info]alkari
2009-07-20 01:42 am UTC (link)
Alas, I see that Real Life suddenly reflects this thread.

Frank McCourt, author of Angela's Ashes , has died. *sigh* I actually liked that book, because although it was very bleak in places, there were also deft touches of whimsy and humour.

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[info]vilakins
2009-07-20 02:01 am UTC (link)
Ahahahaha, brilliant! I have no idea why people read those depressing works (thought I'd read therse two), but I know someone who does. Maybe they make her feel better in comparison?

Kerr Avon: misunderstood and rejected geek growing up in the shadow of his handsome and popular blond elder brother.

Vila Restal: the deprived life of an innocent Delta lad who had to turn to crime to support his mum.

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[info]redscharlach
2009-07-20 05:15 pm UTC (link)
Vila Restal: the deprived life of an innocent Delta lad who had to turn to crime to support his mum.

"The Very Naughty Snatcher, Vila"?

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[info]darthhellokitty
2009-07-20 02:19 am UTC (link)
The icon says it all.

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[info]v_chan_paradise
2009-07-20 02:19 am UTC (link)
very cute and funny.
one question : perhaps a problem of culture, but what does "A. G. Q. Vulcan" refers to?

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[info]redscharlach
2009-07-20 01:01 pm UTC (link)
It's rather hard to explain, but I shall try. Basically there's a running joke at the community [info]ontd_startrek about calling everyone a "GQ" something-or-other, after GQ Magazine. It sort of embodies the idea of being gorgeous or fabulous or kickass or otherwise worthy of being on a magazine cover.

(At least, I think that's what it means.)

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[info]swamp_adder
2009-07-20 02:38 am UTC (link)
These are amazing. XD

How about Harry Potter: The Cupboard Under the Stairs?

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[info]artekka
2009-07-20 03:00 am UTC (link)
except we've already got a book about his angsty childhood. it's hp book five.

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[info]artekka
2009-07-20 03:04 am UTC (link)
How about Turin Turambar from the silmarilion? oh wait: already been written, i suppose.

omg imagine one written by a lotr-bamfing mary-sue!!! *dies*

how about mr tumnus and how he became a very bad faun? (except that sounds dirty)

sry it's late. i can't brain anymore.

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[info]cat_empress
2009-07-20 03:26 am UTC (link)
Ohgod I hate those books so much it burns. I can't see why anyone would want to read them. I went to a private girls school, and those were the sort of books we had to read in English, so we would know that other people weren't as privileged as us. Um. Excuse my whining.

On the other hand, A. G. Q. Vulcan. I kind of love you.

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[info]kindkit
2009-07-20 05:07 am UTC (link)
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I was locked under the stairs before Harry Potter was even thought of! And by my actual parents, too!

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[info]redscharlach
2009-07-20 05:12 pm UTC (link)
You could probably get a lot of punning mileage out of his name as well: Wyndamnation: The Shocking Story of the Pryce of Pain!

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[info]kuma_chan
2009-07-20 05:11 am UTC (link)
ROFL

I pre ordered the movie on Blu Ray as you get a extra disc + free comic on Amazon, prob one of the geekiest things I've done in a long time

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[info]triestine
2009-07-20 06:29 am UTC (link)
Oh god.

I...

... I would read them.

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[info]sallymn
2009-07-20 06:44 am UTC (link)
I want. I really really want.

And it might say something about me that nealy all of My Heroes could do the misery lit quite splendidly...

Edited at 2009-07-20 06:44 am UTC

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[info]imhilien
2009-07-20 10:10 am UTC (link)
LOL!

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[info]aurora_84
2009-07-20 10:53 am UTC (link)
These are awesome!!

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[info]__kali__
2009-07-20 02:10 pm UTC (link)
My sister loves reading that genre of book (I blame her academic background) I can't see the appeal of them m'self.

The tagline for Kirk's book actually made me laugh out loud.

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[info]dolorous_ett
2009-07-20 02:41 pm UTC (link)
Just brilliant. Made me laugh - hard!

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[info]merisunshine36
2009-07-20 09:03 pm UTC (link)
"the true story of a boy and his ears"....ohmygod, I am literally dying with laughter at this! And I love the pic you chose for the Kirk one.

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[info]fairhearing
2009-07-20 10:45 pm UTC (link)
lllllllllllllmao

Oh, "A Child Called It," what hast thou wrought?

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[info]sangueuk
2009-07-20 10:57 pm UTC (link)
lol!

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[info]huskyteer
2009-07-21 12:26 pm UTC (link)
Those are great!

The remaindered bookshop on Charing Cross Road has a shelf simply labelled 'Horrible Childhoods'.

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[info]redscharlach
2009-07-21 02:24 pm UTC (link)
I'd like to see a shop that filed them all under the heading "Eee, When I Were a Lad".

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[info]azdaja_dafema
2009-07-21 07:38 pm UTC (link)
The Guardian had an article about that ages ago: discussing this graphic-trend as a comment on Supermarkets as book sellers - to the point that some of the leading forerunners of this genre have been re-printed to fit in to the white washed child with hand written font: and then sell more than they did initially.

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