Well, it's time for some answers. The following are all REAL animals:
- Boring Clam (Tridacna crocea)
So called because it bores holes in rock and coral. I imagine it goes to the pub with the Monotonous Lark, and they take it in turns to wonder why they don't get many dates, despite their sparkling personalities.
- Confused Flour Beetle (Tribolium confusum)
Thus named because it's very similar to the Destructive Flour Beetle and the Red Flour Beetle. Why that makes it Confused rather than Confusing, I'm not sure: it can't be fair to blame the beetle for our lack of observational skills, surely?
- Bastard Sturgeon (Acipenser nudiventris)
Unfortunately, I can't find any explanation for this name. Perhaps nobody dares to ask?
- Desperate Shrew (Crocidura desperata)
There's also an Arrogant Shrew and a Paradox Shrew. The former should be avoided at parties; the latter would be ideal for a Doctor Who guest spot.
- Sarcastic Fringehead (Neoclinus blanchardi)
A marine fish, about a foot long with a huge mouth and apparently pretty ferocious. Another one where the name's a mystery, sadly, although there's some speculation that it's due to the expression on its face. Hmph, I bet it doesn't much like the look of you, either.
- Depressed River Mussel (Pseudanodonta complanata)
Named after the flattened shape of its shell, but it's also critically endangered in several countries, which probably explains any mood swings.
This means that the Promiscuous Sand Urchin, the Whining Leaf Wasp, the Violent Cape Mackerel, the Conceited Lizard, the Tedious Longtail and the Ticked-Off Boxy Tick were entirely invented by me. I can only apologize for any disappointment that this may cause.
By the way, if you feel the need to yell any insults over the weekend, why not shun standard terms of abuse and go for something a little more zoological instead? And if someone objects to being called a greasy grouper, a cock-eyed squid or a hairy slit-faced bat, simply direct them towards Wikipedia and then run for the hills...