Red Scharlach (redscharlach) wrote,
Red Scharlach
redscharlach

Nothing left but sorrow and a sense of overtime

You may have heard the news that after five seasons of homoerotically fuelled magical intrigue, anachronistic vegetables and gratuitous shirtlessness, Merlin is coming to an end. While this is a bittersweet turn of events and will make something of a dent in my blogging life, I am actually rather pleased than it's attempting to go out on a high, rather than dribbling away into mushy mediocrity.

However, there's definitely going to be a televisual gap for something silly on a Saturday night, so I've decided to help the BBC out by coming up with the following:

Ten Sure-Fire Ideas For Merlin Spin-Off Shows

1. The Queen's Men
Gwen opens a male strip club full of pole-dancing knights. And in the season finale, they go for the Full Mordred...              

2. Stake Me Out
Light-hearted gameshow in which lucky peasants can win a date (the fruit, that is) and unlucky ones get unceremoniously burnt alive for witchcraft.

3. The Only Way Is Emrys
The everyday lives of hip young druids. Given that potatoes and tomatoes exist in Albion, the sudden invention of vajazzling comes as a surprise to nobody.

4. Great Dragon's Den
Your chance to approach the Great Dragon Kilgharrah with an interesting business proposition! Although, most of the time, the Dragon growls something incomprehensible about your endeavours being cursed by destiny and then sets fire to your accountant.

5. Physician Who?
Gaius travels the realm in a magical blue hut, helping people wherever he goes. Well, as long as their problems can be solved by leeches, a herb poultice or a lie-down, that is.

6. Don't Trust The Witch In Hovel 23
Sitcom in which Morgana spends her life coming up with ever more ridiculous plots to murder her annoyingly perky new roommate, while Aithusa tries to persuade her to get some therapy.

7. The X-Calibur Factor
Talent competition in which contestants must sing popular power ballads while pulling a sword out of a big rock. Please note: The outcome is based entirely on viewers' votes and has not been predetermined by fate, fraud or Simon Cowell.

8. Gleeon
Musical comedy drama about Camelot's most dependable knight. Features the international hit single Don't Stop Walking Purposefully Into A Room And Shouting "Sire!".

9. Percival Of Interest
The burly adventures of a man who is able to predict crimes using only his biceps. But occasionally he is obliged to use other muscles.

10. How To Look At Gwaine Naked
Possibly the world's least challenging makeover show. But the results are always eye-catching...
Tags: merlin
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