Do you want to hear how I got on? Well, read on.
Things I guessed right
- Just before tonight's episode, I rewatched last week's and thought "Ah-ha! The Toclafane must be the people heading for Utopia! For how else will that plotline be resolved?" And lo, I was correct! (A minor victory in my own mental fantasyland, I can tell you. The pink bunnies had a field day.)
- I guessed at the start of this episode that they would end up undoing that year of history somehow or going back to change it. Surely, I kept saying to myself, they cannot start the second series of Torchwood in a decimated and ruined world? I know Rhys is good at denial but that would be going too far. Not to mention The Post-Apocalyptic Sarah Jane Adventures, which would certainly be an adventurous direction for a children's programme, but a little too likely to cause bedwetting. But never fear, because lo, I was correct and it was all reset. Two dozen spin-off writers heave a sigh of relief.
- I guessed Mrs Master would be involved in the Master's downfall, but I didn't guess it would be quite as straightforward as it was.
- livii and I were joking about the Face of Boe being Jack way back before series 3 began. There you go, if you are as galactically pretty as Jack, you just evolve into a big old face. And they sort of have the same mouth, even. Bless. Shame his last words weren't "I SHAGGED YOUR HAND", though. Plus, think about the "giving head" jokes! I do think that this is a VERY silly plot point, but since it's going to take about 5 billion years to occur, it's probably safe to ignore it for most Jack-based purposes. And hey, for all we know, there may be places in the universe where Jack is known as the Kandyman (because everyone wants to lick him) or the Forest of Cheem (because he's an inexhaustible source of wood)...
- You're going to tut at me in disbelief now, but I also guessed Martha would leave. I didn't actually hear any spoilers per se, but I may have picked up some sort of floating rumour (perhaps Archangelically), so it wasn't much of a surprise. But more about her below.
- For an easy point, I guessed we'd have a lead-in to the Christmas special, but didn't know what, apart from a silly idea that we might get the return of Donna. But we didn't, unless that was Catherine Tate playing the front end of the Titanic? Surely not...
Things I did not guess
- Gollum!Doctor. What?? WHAT?? WHAAATTTTT??? Crikey, Russell, that must have been one hell of a night out.
- Mrs Master was just a normal human being, in the end, albeit one who had been driven (strategically, one assumes) bonkers. However, since what pushed her over the edge was the TARDIS, does she count as this year's deus ex Gallifreyan machina?
- The Doctor/Master sobbing death scene at the end. I thought the earlier part of the programme had pretty much scuppered the Time Lord Lurve-In aspect, what with the wrinkly oldness and everything, but then suddenly VROOM! and they go for it full throttle. Let us not forget, however, that the Master is a nasty man who apparently thumps women, and definitely decimates planets and enslaves populations. He is not good date material. Nevertheless, I am reminded of a line from The Sea-Gull and the Ea-Gull by Ogden Nash: "You're a bad bird, you're a bad, bad bird / But you're the only bird in town..."
- Jack leaving of his own accord. I had imagined his Impossible Factness might make the TARDIS break, so he's have to be left behind. But no, he actually WANTS to work for Torchwood. But do you know what? I want him to work for Torchwood too! I LIKE TORCHWOOD, goddammit. There, I've said it. You can all roll your eyes at me now.
- JACK , YOU FOOL, YOU LEFT WITHOUT SNOGGING ANYONE. Or even hugging them. Or anything. The disappointment in this living room was palpable. You're slipping, man! Always kiss them goodbye, you said so yourself. To your (real) self, just before you gave him a huge snog, don't you remember? Ten minute memory, that man. It may be, of course, that Jack's unrequited-romantic view of the Doctor has gone down with a dose of realism since he first tried it on back in The Parting of the Ways. Or perhaps he was annoyed that the Doctor disabled the Get Out Of Jail Free card on his Magic Plot Device. Then again, since he was going straight back to the office, he may simply have reckoned that hot Welsh tongue action was only an invisible lift ride away...
- The Big Bright Floaty Doctor's God complex now twinned with Jack's Jesus complex! And Jack gets a crucifixion to go with all the End of Days resurrection stuff from the TW finale. Are there any more religious paradigms left to mine? Loaves and fishes? The Seven Seals? My money's on the Four Horsepersons of the Welsh Apocalypse...
- The picking up of the ring! Flash Gordon reference = GLEE from me.
- All AU fans, put your hands together and welcome the Master!verse, and look forward to a plethora of fiction about what All Other Whoverse Characters Ever were doing during that lost year.
Bonus points for including gratuitous chains and whipping.
- I have examined my feelings, and find that I am not distraught about Martha's departure. She was a nice enough character, and I liked her well enough while she was right in front of me, but... kick me if you like, but to a certain extent she was just "plucky girl" and that's it. I did like the fact that she saw the uselessness of pining for eternity, though, and decided to take matters into her own hands. It made sense and (having known useless pining myself, and lo, it is rubbish) I approve of her preemptive strike. Also, she's got another date lined up straight away, which is pretty fast work by anyone's standards. Well done, that girl. But will I miss her? I'm afraid that the answer is, only if the next companion is really rubbish...
- Speaking of which, how long before we get a new companion announcement? It was only a couple of weeks after the end of the series last time, wasn't it? Is it time to start playing the Start A Totally Unfounded Rumour game again?
I must admit, I enjoyed Series 3 more than Series 2, but I also watched the season finale completely dry-eyed, which is a change from the last two years. But now it's farewell to Who until the distant festive season. It's going to be a long wait for some decent telly, you mark my words...