Red Scharlach (redscharlach) wrote,
Red Scharlach

Bobbish wenches of the world, unite!

As regular readers may know, I am forever fascinated by idiomatic idiosyncrasies of the English language and am keen to encourage everybody to explore the farthest-flung fjords of the linguistic landscape. Recently, a passing mention in the Language Log has led me to discover a sensational source of weird and wonderful words, in the form of The 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue.

Now, the mere fact that this excellent tome was compiled with assistance from someone known only as Hell-Fire Dick (hoorah!) is worthy of a hearty slap of the thigh and extra rum rations all around in itself. But explore it at your own leisure and I'm sure that once you've had a taste of Vulgar Tongue, your online life will never be the same again.

After all, why call someone a loser when you call them a beau-nasty, an addle plot, or a bracket-faced braggadocia? Why spend an evening engaged in illegal downloading when you could be reviving a charmingly extinct criminal activity like the noisy dog racket (stealing brass door knockers) or being a prigger of cacklers (stealing chickens from henhouses)? Indeed, why have eggs for breakfast when you could have cackling farts? And best of all, why write fanfiction love scenes filled with lines like "He put his sex in her sex and they had sex", when you could be writing about a gorger putting his gaying instrument in the monosyllable of an Athanasian wench and the two of them blowing the grounsils and jerrycummumbling till dawn?

So the next time that fandom shenanigans are getting you down, don't scream "OMG I h8 U SUXin loozerzzz!!!!11". Simply sigh "Those kittle-pitchering understrappers in the schism shop gallied me and now I am not plump currant", and you just might feel a whole lot better for it...
Tags: literature, sounds a bit rude
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