Red Scharlach (redscharlach) wrote,
Red Scharlach

...and shiny metallic mini-dresses for all!

There's a news story this week about the small town of Whitehaven in Cumbria, whose population, in overblown media parlance, have just "woken up to the digital future". But disappointingly, all this means is that they can't watch BBC2 any more without a digital widget box.

Frankly, it would have been far more interesting if the people of Whitehaven had woken up one day to find that it really WAS the future. And not just the future, but the Future (TM): flying cars, dogs with space helmets, everyone wearing a silver catsuit and a nifty purple wig, all that jazz. Knowing the people of this nation, there'll be a lot of reticence about the Future (TM) when it finally arrives, so what better than to test it out on some average folk first to see how they cope? Kick off in a carefully controlled environment and then roll it out across the regions when all the hiccups have been ironed out: that's progress the British way!

I can picture the news coverage now:
  • Mrs Doris Finklestoke (82) says she is getting the hang of her hover-board and had already been down to the holo-café for a pie-and-mash flavoured meal pill.
  • Reg Volestrangler (47) claims that his robot butler malfunctioned and dressed him in his wife's underwear by mistake (yeah, right).
  • The protective time cordon around the town is delayed due to planning permission issues, so the council makes do with a few traffic cones and a bit of tape with "The Future: Keep Out" scrawled on it in marker pen.
  • Marjorie Cattermole (53) is forced to queue for a flying bus after her personal teleporter gets jammed with cat hair. It turns out that the cat has been using it to teleport catfood out of the can and freak out the neighbour's dog.
  • Denise Loombucket (37) calls in sick to work because she's stuck in her Orgasmatron and can't get a repairman till next Tuesday.
  • Report ends on a scenic shot of the local park, with the last rays of the setting sun and the squirrels zooming by with their personal jet packs.

So, what retro-future cliché are YOU most looking forward to?
Tags: silliness
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