This is papal fanon:
These things are NOT papal fanon:
- The Pope was not born but was woven on a loom by Bavarian peasant women.
- He is half-human, on his mother's side.
- He has glittering violet orbs that change colour when he issues a papal bull.
- He was knocked down by a car in 1973 and mysteriously woke up in the Vatican in a cloud of white smoke. If he can resolve several major ecumenical conflicts, then maybe he can get home.
- He keeps marmalade sandwiches under his tiara.
- The Popemobile is bigger on the inside than the outside and if you hit the big red button on the dashboard, it turns into a submarine.
Join me again soon, when I'll be explaining why the Dalai Lama won't carry your luggage over the Andes, no matter how many peanuts you feed him...