Well, here are the correct answers. The following are all genuine romantic novels and can be found at many good internet bookstores (and several not-so-good ones):
- The Italian Boss's Mistress of Revenge - A rich foreign man meets a thrilling sexy woman in a very awkward phrase. Let's hope their coming together in the book is achieved with a bit more elegance.
- The Millionaire's Inexperienced Love-Slave - Another galactically unwieldy title, especially the word "inexperienced", which sounds like code for "ostensibly virginal but may have done a bit of groping in her time". Please note that the story takes place in Australia, which is why you can see Sydney Harbour Bridge in the background, but for a mad moment, I got confused and started to wonder why a millionaire would set up a jacuzzi in front of the Tyne Bridge.
- Pretending with the Playboy - Surprisingly, the biggest mystery about this one is NOT "What is she pretending about?", but "Why is there a semi-transparent table-lamp growing out of his elbow?"
- Innocent Wife, Baby of Shame - Or as the cover image should be entitled, Impractical Bedlinen, Mattress of Massiveness.
- A Consultant Beyond Compare - In case you were wondering, he's a consultant doctor. Doctors and millionaires get their own romantic novel series; IT consultants or management consultants don't. Funny, that.
- Fulk the Reluctant - This one almost defies comment: suffice to say I'm in awe at the sheer gall it must taken to bring this title to the shops. I can also picture the author chatting about it at dinner parties: "Oh, you've written a novel, have you? What's it called? Errrr, WHAT did you just say?"
Of course, this means that all the others were made up by me, but any romantic fiction publishers reading this are welcome to snap up any that take their fancy, particularly Boardroom Tiger, Bedroom Dragon, which apparently has a convincing ring for a large proportion of my readership. Just leave a bottle of Plymouth Gin in a brown-paper wrapping at the usual spot, and I shall consider myself paid...