Red Scharlach (redscharlach) wrote,
Red Scharlach

Who watches the watchmaker?

I am aware that there's some big bombastic superhero film transfixing the internet masses at the moment, but I am a tame and predictable soul, so there's still only one bunch of messed-up powered people that really gets me going.

My thoughts on Heroes 3x18 are brought to you this week in the form of the Indecent Exposure Awards for Decent Bits of "Exposed". Well, everyone needs an excuse to wear a ballgown once in a while...

  • Badly Thought-Out Escape Plan of the Week: What's the best way to escape from government agents who can track you down anywhere in the country? Well, if you're Claire, the answer is apparently: go to Albuquerque, City of Freedom! Nobody will ever find you there! Lots of points for trying, Claire, but not a lot of points for long-term projections.

  • Most Embarrassing Admission to Your Parents is a shock win for "He has an ability!", knocking the former winner "We're having sex!" off the top spot for the first time in approximately eighty years. This is probably history's first recorded instance of a lack of teenage sex causing parental disappointment. Nonetheless, the old faithful is surely guaranteed a return to pole position on the day that Lyle Bennet starts getting some. Whenever that may be.

  • Fashion Disaster of the Week: This is a case in which a picture is worth a thousand words. Behold Exhibit A:

    When bad trousers happen to good bottoms.

    Sylar is, of course, the one on the left, but you'd be forgiven for not realizing that, given the tragedy that is those unflatteringly cut jeans. For heaven's sake, it's like putting the statue of David in beer-stained sweatpants, isn't it? I could almost weep for the missed opportunity. Lest we forget, season 2 clearly showed how it should be done, but perhaps the camera operators and the costume designers have had a spat since then? They certainly aren't working together for the greater good of my the world's mental health, that's for darn tooting.

    However, the same image also wins Most Entertainingly Positioned Picture of a Hot Dog, so you win some, you lose some.

  • Most Hardcore Housewife is a walkover for the ID-faking, agent-fooling, Def Leppard-groping wonder that is Sandra Bennet. Long may she reign, and let's hope she shows that Doyle fella a thing or two.

  • Missed Opportunity for a Chat-Up Line goes to Claire, for beginning her overtures to Alex with the very promising "We're an endangered species. I'm just doing my best to try to save us." but then missing the logical next line: "So, wanna practise breeding?" Still, at least she got to enjoy a nice eyeful of the Wet Wardrobe Wonder before he took off for Albuquerque.

  • Missed Opportunity for a Double Entendre goes to Peter Petrelli, for shamelessly whipping his dongle out in a government facility, and then threatening to show it all on national television.

  • Most Incongruous Background Music (for UK viewers only): Slightly unfortunately for Britons of a certain age group (i.e. me), that particular Fleetwood Mac bassline, the one that kicked in just as Sylar was taking a trip to Traumatic Flashbackland, is irresistibly associated with Formula One motor-racing coverage on the BBC. Part of my brain was therefore expecting to find out that Sylar's issues were down to being startled by Murray Walker at a young age, but I was very much mistaken.

  • Most Economical Character-Building Concept goes to Sylar's late mother, for her interpretation of "get the eyebrow pencil out, stat!"

  • The Plausible Deniability Award goes to Angela Petrelli for "I don't know the first thing about computers." In that case, Rebel is DEFINITELY her, with a little covert IT support from someone else. Micah maybe? I only hope she isn't keeping him in a closet somewhere and feeding him Pop Tarts.

  • Withering Line of the Week is surely "Yes dear, I've had a bit of experience with all this." Have I told you lately that I love you, Angela? Because I do, so very much. I don't know what you were whispering in Nathan's ear, but I bet it's magnificently Machiavellian.

  • Most Fate-Tempting Thing You Can Say To Ruin Your Co-Dependent Relationship: "We don't need anyone!" Oh Luke, that's like telling the Doctor you'll stay with him forever. Only the Doctor won't end up bouncing you off walls like a human bean bag.

  • Luckiest Escape from Certain Gory Death: Goodness me, it's Luke again. Will wonders never cease? I was braced for a rerun of Sylar's last messy relationship break-up, especially after Luke managed to repeat Elle's first mistake, by pointing out that Sylar's personal obsessions are a bit dull to bystanders, and asking if he couldn't try to be more exciting (it's a fair enough point, but nobody likes to be told they're boring, especially not a deranged sociopath) and THEN followed up with Elle's second mistake, that of economy with the truth. But no, the kid stays in the picture. Although if I were him, I wouldn't start any long novels just yet...

  • Climactic Question of the Week is surely "How do you stop an exploding Matt?" Has anyone got a VERY large damp teatowel? No? Well, I can only hope that Hiro and Ando will turn up waving their magic fax to sort the whole thing out.

  • What We Have Learned This Week: Sandra Bennet rocks bells, Sylar is (still) bad boyfriend material, and Philip Larkin had a point. Some things are timeless, aren't they?

However, if Watchmen is your bag, I did giggle at this single-issue review of one of its most notable features.
Tags: heroes
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