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Red Scharlach
Is it just me, or is everyone complaining about being brain-dead at the moment? Is it daylight savings and the subequent enforced loss of quality duvet time? Is it a huge satellite poised over London, programmed to disrupt the G20 summit by sucking the energy from human minds? Is it a case of the Credit Crunch, the Frosted Flakes or the Monster Mash? It's impossible to say.

Whatever the cause, here is a meme of my own invention which I have regurgitated*, in order to help me provide you with any solace I can in these difficult times. Simply leave me your answers in a comment and I will do my level best to improve your week.**

The "Let Me Entertain You" meme

1) It's my round. What are you drinking?

2) I'm an excellent chef and will cook you anything you like for dinner. What are you in the mood for?

3) I've got a private jet and can take you anywhere for the weekend. Where do you fancy?

4) I'm a matchmaker extraordinaire and can set you up on a night out with anyone in the universe. Who would you like to meet?

5) I'm an international master thief and will steal one item or artefact from anywhere in the world, and give it you as a present. What would add a certain something to your home?

6) I am a top secret government operative and will kidnap any annoying figure in the public eye and sentence them to a lifetime of total obscurity in a place where you will never have to hear about them ever again. Who shall I bundle into the back of my big black car?

* It's actually a resurrection of something I made up for the Sunday Six (remember that?) a whole three years ago. Think of it, there was no Twitter or Lady GaGa in those days. It was practically the Dark Ages.

** As long as it is entirely imaginary, totally free of charge, compatible with my galactically hectic schedule, and unfettered by tricky legal requirements. Offer valid for thirty whole seconds at 12 midnight SMT (SMT: Scharlach Mean Time) on April 1st 2009. All rights reserved. All lefts very outgoing after a few drinks.