Red Scharlach (redscharlach) wrote,
Red Scharlach

"No one is adjusting this or any other planet."

What do you know, you wait ages for new Torchwood, and then the BBC muddies the waters by suddenly throwing three new radio plays into the mix, under the umbrella heading of The Lost Files. Or perhaps they ought to be called "Here's Some Ianto We Saved For Later, Please Stop Hating Us Now".

And to make a pleasant change, Great Britain gets first dibs on them probably because nobody cares all that much, hem hem, although the rest of the world can listen online for the next week.

So to celebrate this seasonal glut of Torchwoodery, here are a few brief thoughts on The Devil and Miss Carew:

  • The Devil is hiding in the shipping forecast? OMG, it's a Radio 4 listener's worst nightmare! Full points for knowing your audience, though. Whatever next, a zombie takeover on Gardener's Question Time?

  • "This internet's driving me MAD!", says Gwen. I suppose that if all I could find were sites full of stories about myself being horrible and then messily exploding into a million squidgy pieces so that my two work colleagues could find true lurve with each other, I might be a bit cheesed off too.

  • "Park up behind those bushes, and don't get any funny ideas." - Well, we all remember what happens when Ianto's exposed to greenery, don't we. And I'm not referring to hayfever.

  • "I love secret doors. Makes me feel all Famous Five." - I'd never have pegged Jack as an Enid Blyton fan. Though if I had to guess, I'd bet his favourite was Dick...

  • Oh look, a carefree sonic screwdriver reference for no reason. But Ianto has other tools in mind: "There's a lot you can do with a Swiss army knife." Cue a great deal of audience speculation about what kind of special attachments he's got.

  • There now follows a sequence in which Rhys manages to save the day by looking through his wife's internet history. In real life, I fear this technique is unlikely to work, unless you're in a crisis that can be solved by an in-depth knowledge of kittens or porn.

  • I find Martin Jarvis oddly reassuring to listen to, even when he's attempting to be evil. I think it's the cosy memories of all those Jackanory stories he used to read.

  • "I just need to go on to the roof and fix it." - In her eighty years on the planet, Miss Carew has not learned to beware Unsubtle Dramatic Foreshadowing. I suspect it will be the death of h..... er, yes, there she goes. Splat.

  • "This planet is opening up to me and it feels so good..." - Okay, I take back everything I said about Martin Jarvis. This is a whole pervy world of Do Not Want, right here.

  • In conclusion: passable up to a point, but then tumbled abruptly off the roof in a haze of "is that it?" corniness. There's a nostalgic niceness to hearing Ianto again, in a "the past is another country" sort of way, but if you'll forgive the massive understatement, Barrowman is not really a radio actor, is he?

I may return with some comments on tomorrow's and Wednesday's aural extravaganzas, but if I do, I shall endeavour to leaven the all-Torchwood diet with some trivia of general interest. I think only of your attention spans, dear viewers, I really do.
Tags: torchwood
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