Red Scharlach (redscharlach) wrote,
Red Scharlach

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A B*A*P*py Christmas

it's Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid
Although if you are planning to spend the festive season with members of your own gene pool, you may be looking forward to it in the way that you'd look forward to cutting your leg off with a rusty blade.
And for this you would be forgiven,
Since a traditional family Christmas can open the deepest rifts in a family that have ever been riven.
Whether it is because your siblings are up to their best trouble-stirring tricks,
Or because your mother is still sulking because you refused to wear that cardigan she bought you in 1986,
The sound of seasonal arguments will ring in the streets till the last Christmas candles flicker,
And just about the only cure I can recommend is retiring to the sofa with a bottle of strong liquor.
Alternatively, you can fill your face with chocolate, pudding, cheeses, turkey or nut roast
Until you're so stuffed with rich seasonal goodies that for weeks you can't eat anything else but toast.
Yes, the best part of Christmas is not the peace and goodwill, but the wholesale abuse of your digestive system.
And I suppose there are some other good bits as well, although I can't be bothered to list 'em.
So I wish you all a Crimbo of the kind you like best, whether riotously drunken, or nicely tranquil and glowy,
But for my own sake, and that of anyone else travelling on the East Coast main line tomorrow, you'll forgive me if I don't wish it to be snowy....
Tags: poems by me
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