Red Scharlach (redscharlach) wrote,
Red Scharlach

  • Music:

Official statement from Scharlach Towers

After years of public speculation and gossip in the press, I am pleased and proud to announce that I will not be getting married on April 8th, or indeed on any day subsequent to that date.

This will not affect my position in the royal succession, or my role vis-à-vis the hierarchy of the Church of England, but it will bring some much-needed clarification to the British constitution, not to mention the seating arrangements at dinner parties.

Despite the fact that the eyes of the world are bound to be focused upon me, I intend to claim loudly that I want everything kept discreet and low-key, and I shall be carrying out my public duties on that day as normal. There will be no public holiday so all you proles everyone else will have to go to work as per.

For those wishing to send gifts, donations will be accepted to Amazon International, a charity that works tirelessly to provide books and CDs to women over the height of 5 ft 8.

Derren Brown was unavailable for comment.
Tags: silliness
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