Six Things That My Friend Shelley Considers To Be Of Vital Importance In The World Today (After 4 Mango-and-Gin Martinis and a Large Glenmorangie)
in her own words, transcribed as accurately as the late-night Victoria Line allows
(Warning: some of the views expressed below may offend, and more pertinently, may be incomprehensible to the sober.)
1. Correct Use of the Apostrophe.
"I don't know why it's so important, but it is. And it can be very misleading if they're misused, can't it?"
2. Availability of Correctly Fitting Bras for the Larger Lady.
"I don't give a toss about women with nothing up top. We're talking about women with proper busts, here."
3. The Middle East.
"I think we need to isolate the extremists by... err... you know. And we need to appeal to the secular Arabs. Yes! And not isolate them!"
"Basically they need to be fried so they are nicely golden and all melting."
5. That Everyone Feels Able To Express Themselves For Who They Are, And Not Buy Into The Consumerist Fallacy.
6. The Fact That You Can't Just Buy A Packet of Walker's Crisps in Many Pubs These Days.
"You have to buy a bowl of chips. I mean, what's that all about?"
* * * * *
I'd also like to take this opportunity to say that there will not be a Sunday Six next week, because it's my birthday next Sunday so I'm giving myself the day off. Not that I reckon anyone will be overly distraught about this, but I thought I'd forewarn you anyway...