Six Assorted Comments about the Goblet of Fire movie
1. Comment that sums up various things I liked.
– Moody rocked pretty hard: even if he didn't utter the C and V words, he came across as a bloke you wouldn't want to meet down a dark alley, which is as it should be.
– Madame Maxime. I liked her.
– I think Harry's acting has improved a bit. And while the twins are still not anything I'd class as actors, giving them something to actually do seems to have been a good plan. Fred and George as amusing comedy interludes? Wonder why no one thought of that before?
– The "blink and you'll miss him" glimpse of Jarvis Cocker apparently pretending to be Justin Hawkins.
2. Comment that sums up various things that were funny, intentionally or otherwise.
– All the mooning over the opposite sex was more amusing than I thought it would be. Especially the scene of *Krum stomps along the shore* *fangurls wibble along the shore squeeing behind him*.
– Neville's dancing and his excitement at being out past his usual bedtime were terribly sweet (bless his little cotton socks).
– My favourite line was McGonagall's comment, as quoted in the title of this post – now, there's a woman that EMPIRE approves of!
– The funniest scene of all to me, however, rightly or wrongly, was the Voldemort and Lucius graveyard gang show. Just how camp was that? Less of an apocalyptic gathering of evil, more of a RADA cocktail party with skull masks. Talk to the silver hand, darling; the nose ain't listening. Come to think of it, the nose ain't there....
3. Comment that sums up things I didn't like.
– Have they totally given up on the idea of these films making sense to people who haven't read the books now? It seems that way. It did make me laugh when Dumbledore mused "Priori Incantatem..." because I was expecting him to follow up with a page reference for further reading for those who've lost the plot.
– Movie-Hermione continues to irk me no end. Her voice gets more and more ridiculously upper-class with every film. Soon she'll be so posh she'll be eligible for the Death Eaters' wine, cheese and dismemberment evenings.
– Was it just me, or was Michael Gambon's accent wandering? And whither was it wandering, and why?
– Virtually every boy in the film needs to be held down and forcibly given a decent hair-cut. (Maybe I'm just old, but I remember the 1970s from the first time around and it sure as hell wasn't pretty.)
4. Special guest comment, as contributed to this column by my mate Shelley, on request.
And the comment she chose to submit was: "Gosh, Moaning Myrtle is more sexually aware than one might previously have thought." And I suppose she was correct. However, it's probably not much of a surprise when you consider that she hangs out primarily in bathrooms. In fact, when it comes to learning about the raw facts of naked human interaction, the prefects' bathroom must be what Hogwarts has instead of an internet.
5. Comment that makes gratuitous reference to the actor henceforth known as The Lovely David Tennant.
Nice tongue, David. But why are you using it to try and lick Alan Rickman's wand?
6. Comment that is idiosyncratically related to my own viewing experience, and therefore of little or no relevance to the rest of you, but I'm going to share it anyway.
If you ever go to the Odeon on Tottenham Court Road and sit in Screen 3, do not, repeat, DO NOT attempt to beat the crowds on the way out by using the exit staircase at the front and right of the screen. If you are at all likely to visit this particular cinema, remember this fact at all costs. If you do not, you will find yourself walking up the most disgustingly stinky staircase in London (and I speak as someone with a wide experience of multi-storey car parks, so heaven knows I'm not saying this lightly). I really cannot fathom why these stairs, which are entirely inside the cinema and not open to random visitors from outside, should be so revolting, but they are. I can only imagine that people scuttle out from their cinema seats in the dark, hoping to visit the toilet, go through that door, realize they've gone the wrong way and there's no toilet there, and then just decide "oh, to hell with it" and let nature take its course where they stand. To which I can only really respond: yuk, yuk, yuk, yuk, and quadruple yuk.
On the whole, I thought it was.... (and CUE allemande rolling her eyes!)... all right. I don't resent handing over my tenner, but if you're looking for knowing adult laughs in an ostensibly kiddie film, there may be more fun to be had watching Wallace and Gromit in The Curse of the Wererabbit. And there's certainly more bunnies. Which is important, both in films and in life.